"27/06/11
So, this is the beginning of my proper human life. As of the end of (hopefully) my last ever exam at 11.15 this morning. It didn't go so well, but nevermind. I don't want to be a physisist anyway. I also started volunteering at Oxfam..."
One year ago today man. In the diary I started to stop myself doing fuck all. I've been a proper human being for one whole year. I've been feeling pretty fucking down about it too. All I've done is quadruple the days I work in a bookshop. All I've done is a few days here & there in other careers (art teaching, at the Guardian, meeting with a local stylist) that I now realise I do not want to do. Yeah, I'm pretty clear about what I don't want to do.
Everyone tells me to chill out "It'll fall into place" but you know, it won't. I'll be like 30 still living at home & working at the same bookshop. Bitter & pissed. With all these people telling me how I should go off & do something amazing. Even my boss tells me I shouldn't work there. That I should find something better. But everyone thinks they're better than that right? Maybe I'm not. Maybe I am destined to work in a bookshop & I found my calling at 16 & everyone should just shut up about it.
Except that just doesn't sit right. One more year & all the people my age will have degrees & I have to have done something. Sorry. Self indulgent post. I'll get over it again & carry on.
well this rings true with me, i'm 26 so i will be 30 before i know it and stuck. well with that attitude i will be but i've got to get moving. i've started a new internship, unpaid but it's all i can find and more interesting that the last. can't rely on falling into place can we, we have to work hard for things to happen. here's to hoping
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about it, I think really the majority of us are pretty unsure. I'm exactly the same, I know what I don't want to do, but what the hell am I actually going TO do. I'm doing a degree and if I'm honest, I think it's going to be the things that I do outside of it that are really going to help me. Don't panic!
ReplyDeleteAw don't worry I'm sure you will figure it all out!
ReplyDeleteForget about what society thinks we should be doing at various different ages... it really doesn't matter. I for one am 99% sure I'm not going to get into uni this year making me one of the many re takers (blah blah blah), but when I think about it, I hopefully have many years ahead to be where I want to be. Maybe you haven't realised what you want to do yet but you will. I hope you don't get too down!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm giving you a blog award :)
Was thinking about you the other day. Hope things are ok. X
ReplyDelete